The past couple weeks spiritually have been rough, and it seems as though the only time I blog is when I’ve had a rough two weeks or so.
But this time (like every time), God has emerged victorious; this time was different. In yet another case that seemingly proves my faith, it was almost oxymoronic and somewhat contradictory.
Sin literally took me over… many people have their own ways on what exactly this “sin” is. It became very clear this year what I thought sin is, or should I say, isn’t. The root word for sin in Latin is, “sine,” which means, “without.” At first I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Sin is the absence, of, well, whatever is holy. The devil was slowly picking away at the armor I had built up. He was slowly but surely creating a void in my mind and
For those of you who have seen Spiderman 3, this is the best way to sum it up: it was like the dark, slimy, inky-goo-mess called “venom,” which is like a parasite. It latched on to Peter Parker (Spiderman) and he began to change. Parker notices the difference while looking in the mirror after the venom had been covering his suit. He sees this darker side of himself that he’d never ever seen. He thinks over the consequences in his head and not only continues to wear it, but always comes back to it, because it makes him feel… different.
It’s insane because after two weeks of almost not talking to God, the same exact thing happened to me. I remember staring at myself in the reflection of my bathroom mirror. I had this thought, almost as if, I liked the dirty person I had become after bathing in lustful filth for almost three weeks.
God would insert himself, but my guard was down. My security was offline from the devil himself inserting an absence in, on, and everywhere around my body. Satan would show me the apparently “shiny” goodness of sin and would dive into it. The devil installed thoughts in my head that I didn’t need God. I completely wasn’t myself to the point that I thought I was under possession. I felt like a turtle trapped on the inside of his shell. I needed a change.
With the help of God, I finally built up the strength for a simple prayer. It was like I felt evil spirits being ripped off of me and the voids filled with joy and happiness. I was listening to a song by a band called Underoath and a song came on when I needed it most called, “To Whom it May Concern.” All of the words applied to my same situation, and I don’t think it was on accident. Here are two random lines from it:
“This is not your war, set your sights to north. Press on.”
“At the end of the road, you’ll find what you’ve been longing for.”
What I was longing for was Christ and his non perishable love. No matter what you think you’re longing for, it will always be God. We were meant to serve Him. God works people, I am a changed man. God is great. Goodnight!
You can skip to 1:12 in the song.